remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
