yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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