you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
