speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
