I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
