FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
