It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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