If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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