That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
no you cant smoke seaweed
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
