if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
