remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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