oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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