Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
