is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
