it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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