my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
