Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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