Pappa wants mamma naked
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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