drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
