can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
