I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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