ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
