I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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