So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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