If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
