i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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