and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
