Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
