my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
