i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
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javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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