New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
