puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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