Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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