I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
