did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I just shit out all my problems.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
