Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
