If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
