living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
