Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
