We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
