I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
