3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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