if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
