I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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