how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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