i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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