If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
