Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
