just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
