I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
