I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.