So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills