p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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