I just cut my nipple shaving
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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