haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..