and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party