Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was