even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.