she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
