saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be