with your own penis?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
