i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
