whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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