I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
