awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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