i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
