He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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