someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
