Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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