Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
