I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
