No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
