I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
